Tuesday, January 18, 2011


Before this ridiculous summer weather hit in January, it was lovely, and cool, and had me in the mood for a hot bowl of chili.  Now a couple of years ago, I used to live off of Trader Joe's turkey chili.  Somewhat healthy, filling, and most importantly, fast, I would have it at least twice a week for dinner.  There was one major problem with it though.  Unless you are exacting revenge on a friend or significant other, or dutch ovens just really crack you up,  the gas that is the result of this chili will put you in self imposed isolation.  It's horrific, and no amount of bean-o will stop it.  Not wanting to plan my meals around weather or not I wanted to hang out with friends anymore, I finally stopped eating it.
So, cut to last week...I figured not ALL chili can have this effect.  If that were the case,we'd be blaming our global warming on chili cook-offs.  So I set out to attempt a fart-free chili recipe.

I succeeded!

(serves 8 - 10)


1 lb Ground Turkey
12 oz Gound Meatless (or other ground meat substitute)
3 slices Bacon  - chopped
1 Red Onion  -  chopped
5 cloves Garlic  -  minced
1 Zucchini  -  chopped
1 (14.5 oz) can Organic Black Beans  -  drained
1 (14.5 oz) can Organic Corn  -  drained
1 (28 oz) can Diced Tomato
1 (8 oz) can Tomato Sauce
14 oz Beef Broth
4 Tbsp Olive Oil
1 Tbsp Cumin
1 Tbsp Paprika
1 Tbsp Cayenne Pepper
1 tsp Red Pepper Flakes
2 Tbsp Oregano
2 tsp Season Salt
2 tsp Cracked Pepper
1 tsp Unsweetened Cocoa
2 tsp Raw Sugar
1 Tbsp Worcestershire Sauce
1 Tbsp Cholula Chipotle Sauce
1/2 can/bottle Beer
Shredded Cheddar Cheese & Sour Cream to taste


1) Heat 2 Tbsp oil in a large pot.  Add the onion, garlic, and zucchini, and saute until the onion is clear.

2) At the same time, at the other 2 Tbsp of oil to a large saute pan and begin sauteing the bacon.

3) When the bacon is almost cooked through, pour off about half of the grease, then crumble in the Turkey & Ground Meatless.  Keep separating and stirring occasionally to get the turkey into the smallest bits possible.

4) Once the turkey is cooked all the way through, add it to the pot with the onion & zucchini.

5) Stir in the Black Beans, Corn, Diced Tomato, Cumin, Paprika, Cayenne Pepper, Red Pepper Flakes, Oregano, Season Salt, & Cracked Pepper.  Mix well.

6) Stir in the Beef Broth, and let simmer to reduce liquid slightly, about 8 minutes.

7) Add the Tomato Sauce, Cocoa, Sugar, Worcestershire, & Cholula.  Crack open a bottle of beer and pour half of it in.  Drink the rest.  (Some of you might choose a can of beer,  which will work as well, but I am morally against purchasing cheap beer.)  Stir well.

8) Let the chili simmer for 30 minutes uncovered, then another 45 minutes covered.  

9)Remove from heat and allow to cool a couple minutes before serving.  Add some shredded cheese and a dollop of sour cream to each serving.


The Chili has some heat, but not so much that you can't taste the flavor.  If you aren't into spice, you can cut the Cayenne, Chili Flakes, & Cholula Sauce by half.
This can also easily be made a vegetarian recipe.  Just omit the turkey & bacon, adding 18 oz more Ground Meatless in their stead.  And replace the beef broth with Vegetable Broth.

So was it using black beans instead of the traditional kidney beans that did it?  Maybe merely cooking with the intention of getting rid of the gas?  Who knows.  I do know that it was damn delicious, and I didn't offend anyone in the process! 

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